I’m Sure I missed a bunch of good ones, but here’s the list I came up with…ENJOY!

Here’s the context. I’m a big Cal (Pac 1o) fan. My friend Rommy is a Penn State (Big 10) fan. Here is our text message conversation about the BCS Championship game between Ohio State and Louisiana State :

Rommy: Big 10 football baby!

Ben: Bitch please! There are 3 teams I would pick over OSU and LSU.

Rommy: OK, we’ll see where Cal is next year, after the “restructuring”.

Ben: What does that have to do with what we were talking about?

Ben: By the way, how was the Rose Bowl this year, last year, the year before that, etc…

Rommy: The Rose Bowl is no Armed Forces bowl or whatever shit bowl you went to.

Ben: Ok Penis State playing in a shitty conference and still having a shitty year.

Rommy: 9-4 isn’t as good as 7-6 with a loss to UCLA. You are a proud fan.

Ben: Indiana, Iowa, Iona, Illinois…am I missing anyone? (Yes, I know Iona isn’t in the big 10)

Rommy: Dude, what other teams should have gone to the National Champ? #3 and #4 lost their bowls. The other ones suck. Maybe USC.

Ben: SC, Georgia, WVU. (Maybe even Kansas)

Rommy: WVU lost, didn’t they?

Ben: Beat Oklahoma big.

Rommy: And Georgia was not bigger than LSU

Ben: They are better. Same record but they didn’t get to play in the SEC championship game. (lost head to head tie breaker to Tenn, who Cal man handle, pre-Longshore injury)

Ben: Big 10 football. Giving up 10 point leads because we have good manners. (LSU 17, OSU 10)

Ben: Big 10 football. Here you have the ball…we don’t want it anymore. (interception by LSU)

Rommy: Cal football. We just suck.

Ben: Oh, this is about Cal now?

Rommy: You don’t have a leg to stand on.

Ben: And the big 10 does? Cal is 4-2 in bowl games in the last 6 years.

Ben: Maybe 5-1. (We are actually 4-1 b/c we were being penalized by the NCAA in Tedford’s 1st year)

Rommy: JoePa. More bowl wins than any other coach. (23-10-1 in 41 years…missed about two bowls a decade)

Ben: Big 10 Football. We’re just happy to be here.

Rommy: Cal football. Hugging trees is so fun.

Rommy: Cal football. We lost to Stanford. (Cal strength of schedule #23, Penn State #65 according to team rankings.com)

Ben: Big 10 Football. Stanford would be a bowl team if they played here.

Rommy: Big 10 football. Ten bowl eligible teams.

Ben: Big 10 football. WE HAVE 11 TEAMS AND ARE CALLED THE BIG 10!

Rommy: Cal Football. We finished in the bottom three of our conference.

Ben: Cal Football. Even out bad year is better than your average.

Rommy: Cal Football. We have no tradition and haven’t been to a Rose Bowl in 50 years.

Ben: Penis State Football. Too old to change our adult diapers, but since our coach sucks, why would we change coaches?

Ben: Penis State Football. At least as goos as your high school team.

Rommy: Penn State. We’ve actually gone undefeated 5 times.

Ben: Haha. Shows how good the Big 10 is. Did you play 5 quarters?

<HALF TIME>

Ben: Even Eddie George said “this is the same game as last year”.

Ben: Wow, just when I was going to give you congrats for forcing a punt… (OSU roughs the punter leading to an LSU score 33-10 now.)

Ben: Big 11 Football. We don’t mind being embarrassed on national television…go ahead…change to subject to Cal.

Rommy: Pac 10 Football. We have one team.

Ben: Big 11 Football. We have no one good.

Rommy: Big 10 Football. We are historically the greatest conference ever.

Ben: Big 11 football. We are the best just ask us…

Ben: But don’t ask the SEC of Pac 10. They always laugh and it hurts our fragile little feelings.

Ben: Congrats. You scored! Now you are only down 2 td’s. (LSU leads by 14 going into the 4th)

Rommy: Pac 10 Football. USC Recruits. Everyone else has drum circles.

Ben: Wow, I can actually see your hopes go up in smoke from my apartment (OSU fumble returned by LSU to the 20).

Ben: Big 10 Football. 3-5 in bowl games this year. 0-2 in the BCS.

Ben: Pac 10 Football. 4-2 in bowl games, with a BCS win.

Ben: But Purdue did beat Central Michigan by 3…congrats.

Rommy: We beat Florida and Texas A&M.

Ben: 4-loss Florida. 6-loss A&M

Rommy: Talk all the shit you want.

Ben: Oh look…another OSU interception.

Rommy: Nate Longshore and Desean Jackson. Most overrated players in college football.

Ben: I couldn’t name anyone on your team and my conference is so clearly better than yours its laughable.

Ben: Not to change the subject, but LSU is killing you conference champion.

Poor Rommy…speaking of not having a leg to stand on. Way to stay loyal to your team and conference no matter how bad they are.

Final score: LSU 38 vs OSU 24.

-b

P.S. This game was really boring as the rest of the BCS was. Let’s have a frickin’ playoff next year.

Back 2 days late…popular demand, I guess…

“Consider Yourself Sucked!” by Bill Parcells (Dallas Cowboys- NFL)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGw3soM07Yw&rel=1]

I lived in Texas and had the privilage of hearing Bill give it to the press a few times a week. It was awesome!

“I’ll Kill You” by John Chaney (Univ of Temple- NCAA Basketball)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51-4sJTf7iQ&rel=1]

The funny thing is I believe John. I really think he would kill Coach Calapari if he saw him on the street.

“Not 10 Fucking Games” by Jim Boehiem (Syracuse Univ- NCAA Basketball)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sn3kPBww2w0&rel=1]

Ohhhh, someone has a potty-mouth.

“A Damn Coaching Mistake” by John L. Smith (Colorado State- NCAA Football)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvrRvUYRdD8&rel=1]

Coach, why so hard on yourself? You had no chance in the 2nd half.

“Bad Breath” by Lou Pinella (Chicago Cubs- MLB)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VO8MAnS4tM&rel=1]

More than words…

“Brokeback Mountain Game” by Phil Jackson (LA Lakers- NBA)

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/brokeback-mountain/411600886
C’mon Phil. You’re supposed to be the Zen master. Your spirit was way outta whack with that one.

“I’m Sorry” by Phil Jackson (LA Lakers-NBA)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-m0xfdID34&rel=1]

Did you just drop a “pulled out” and a “offended any cowboys, texans or horses”.

Also, even thought it’s not a coach…I’ve been asked to put this on the list

“Practice” by Alan Iverson (Philidelphia 76ers- NBA)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frsId3goYYE&rel=1]

Al, you should be a coach!

Also, keep your eye out for ESPN. They are running their list of coaching blow ups tonight or tomorrow.

Enjoy,

-b

So with college football being over (see my last blog about every BCS game being a 40 point beat down) every good football fan needs some way to spend their free time. Here are some links to the most infamous coaching rants ever:

“Playoffs?!?” by Jim Mora (Indianapolis Colts-NFL)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwq7BYOnDrM&rel=1]

Most iconic soundbite ever. Everytime someone says the word “playoffs” I think of this high pitched rant.

“You Play to Win the Game” by Herman Edwards (New York Jets- NFL)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMk5sMHj58I&rel=1]

I love the step back and stare. Timing is everything in a good rant.

“Game Face” by Bob Knight (Univ of Indian- NCAA Basketball)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q30BZhJJuuk&rel=1]

He’s the master. If you think this is amusing there is a montage of Bob’s work on YouTube.

“It’s Division 1 Football” by Dan Hawkins (Univ of Colorado- NCAA Football)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S3RbRifTSk&rel=1]

I heard they made t-shirts that said “Colorado ‘It’s Division 1 Football’ Football” at CU.

“Who We Thought They Were” by Dennis Green (Arizona Cardinals- NFL)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDAq5tyfk9E&rel=1]

Congratulations, you’ve lost your job but won a Coors Light commercial.

“Stupid Ass Questions” by Hal Mcrae (Chicago Cubs- MLB)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kamDqL-AGzI&rel=1]

This is why therapists get paid.

“I’m a Man” by Mike Gundy (Okahoma State Univ- NCAA Football)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoMmbUmKN0E&rel=1]l

Maybe the best pure blowup on the list…other than Hal Mcrae

“You Know What This Is All About?” by Mark Mangino (Univ of Kansas- NCAA Football)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuCqE8tMfEs&rel=1]

Mark, coach of the year…way to say it like it is.

I couldn’t find Lou Piunella with the Reds or John Cheaney with Temple. Please let me know if you can think of any I missed.

Enjoy!

-b

It’s pretty obvious that the BCS didn’t work out very well this year. Seeing that USC destroyed Illinois 49-17 and Hawaii is down by by 600 points to Georgia with 10 minutes to go, I think its safe to say the current system isn’t generating compelling match ups. Jesus, I just saw Colt Brennan picking pieces of brain matter off the Astroturf. If you think setting up good games, not high ratings, should be the key metric the the NCAA considers, you are probably as offended as I am watching this disastrous end to a football season.

Looking forward, we have the ever so exciting “1-loss/I played 9 games in the state of Ohio” Ohio State vs. “yes we lost two games but trust us, we deserve to be here” LSU game. Whoopie!!!

vs.

Here’s a list of things I would rather do than watch these matchups again:

1. Just fast forward through time.
2. Clean someone else’s bathroom.
3. Swim wearing only a meat suit in shark infested water…

You get the idea…Wake me up next season.

-b